Beavers Gone Wild

Ladies, you know what I'm talking about (wink, wink). That "unwanted" hair we wish would just go away because the guys have voted and tumbleweeds are most definitely out; trim is in. However many hours they spent enjoying National Geographic as a young boy have been superseded by the countless hours of porn-time they've logged on the computer and they now want their woman to be decidedly unnatural.

Landscaping that particular area can be troublesome, because with all those flippers and flappers it's not exactly flat terrain down there and trying to reach every area without slicing anything off is a little like mowing a mine field. Also it's a rather sensitive area. It starts out all, "Ooooh, that's nice!" but an hour later we start to develop the red bumps and rash and we begin to look a little like a plucked chicken. This is hardly the desired effect unless he's into poultry but although most women are not opposed to a little 'dirty talk,' I find we absolutely draw the line at clucking like a chicken. Freaks.

All that being said, you can have the slick, streamlined look without the pain and suffering with Coochy Cream*, our rash-free shave cream for trimming up those lady-bits. Coochy is loaded with moisturizing agents to soften the skin, allows you to shave closer and stay smooth a little bit longer. Also, it prevents that horrible day-after itch so you won't be walking around with your finger in your pocket trying to sneak a little bit of a scratch which is frowned upon in church (Sorry, Father O'Brien) but incidentally how I met my husband.

Coochy Shave Cream* can be used on underarms, legs, or under the chin if you're over 40. Even guys can use it to shave if they're not opposed to a little coochy on their face** and it's also good for man-scaping (take the hint guys... if we have to shave, so do you!)

If you're very sensitive, we have Coochy After-Shave Protection Mist. Spray this magic formula on after shaving and it helps close the pores and forms a protective barrier between your skin and your clothing. A little warning: This can sting for about 15 seconds but it's a perfectly acceptable trade-off because I'd gladly burn like a bitch for 15 seconds than hurt like a fother mucker for 2 days. What good is a shiny new toy if it's broken??

We also have Sensations, which is every bit as good as Coochy Shave Cream but is more PG-13 if you have young children who are old enough to read but young enough that you don't want to explain to them what a Coochy is. It's never good when Child Protective Services show up at your door wanting to know why your 8 year-old told his teacher he saw his mom's coochy in the shower.***

So, whether you're high-pile, low-pile, carpet or linoleum, if you're one of those ladies that like things neat and clean, go buy some Coochy. Your Beaver will thank you!****


Info, clarifications and disclaimers:

*Coochy comes in 8oz as well as 16oz, Original, Pear Berry or Green Tea Scent. All my products my be viewed online at www.BrownBagByCindi.com.

**If this describes your man, please click here.

***That never actually happened, Mom.

****This statement in no way guarantees your beaver will actually talk. If it does, please visit www.myvaginaisschitzophrenic.com for help.

Search Amazon.com for shaving the bikini area

Ice-Ice, Baby!

Have you ever played with an ice-cube in bed? Most of us have because the extreme fluctuation in temperatures from the heat of your lover to the sudden cold can be a very erotic experience. The problem with ice cubes, however, is that they melt, and that can lead to some pretty uncomfortable sleeping situations when the fun is over.

Today we're going to explore the world of glass toys. Glass toys are the perfect alternative to ice cubes because they retain whatever temperature you expose them to. Place them in ice water for 5 minutes and you're going to have all the fun of ice cube play without the wet bed sheets. Note that I said ice water... I do NOT recommend placing these in the freezer, unless you'd like to reenact the flag-pole scene from A Christmas Story ("Thtuck.... Thtuck..... THTUCK!!") Similarly, because toys can sometimes feel very cold and impersonal, running these under warm water for several minutes can make a much more comfortable temperature.

Many women shy away from glass toys because they're nervous about breakage, but all of our glass dildos are made from Pyrex--a heat-tempered glass which is extremely durable. During 'normal usage' there is virtually zero chance of breakage unless your hoo-ha is the Chuck Norris of Vajay-jays or you like to pound your dildos in with a hammer, in which case I'd say dildo breakage is probably the least of your potential problems.

Some women despise the soft, rubbery feel of softer toys and find them uncomfortable. These women would benefit from the smooth, slick surface of a glass toy. They're non-porous which makes them a 'cleaner' toy since they won't easily harbor bacteria and they can even be placed in the dishwasher for easy sanitizing (although if you run them during your supper cycle, please accept my apologies for missing your next dinner party.....)

Glass dildos come in different shapes and sizes. Some have speed-bumps or raised designs for awesome g-spot stimulation during use (Elite, Lovers Wand), and they also add stimulation to the first 1/3 of the vagina where nerve ending are the most concentrated. Some are wavy for a unique 'feel' (Helix) and others yet are specifically designed for back-door play. We even have a glass toy with a bullets so you get the benefits of glass, with the wow factor of vibration! (Odyssey)

One thing's for sure though... Glass dildos are very heavy, so you can never go wrong with having one in your nightstand in case of unwanted intruders; I can see the headlines now... "Woman thwarts robber with glass dildo..."

...because every woman deserves her happy ending!

Even the steamiest romances don't always have happy endings, especially for her, so what's a girl to do? Grab an arousal cream and make that happy ending!! Perhaps if Scarlet had a proper arousal cream it may have softened her icy little heart and Rhett actually might have given a damn!

Arousal creams are a woman's secret weapon in the war of the sexes because we all know men are different than women when it comes to the readiness factor-- they can't help it, it's just biology. Men are like microwaves and woman are like crock pots so something had to be done to even the playing field.

Arousal creams are formulated with menthol and give you a nice, tingly feeling when applied south of the border. Add a little to heighten; add a lot to turn your southern regions absolutely tropical. For women who have a difficult time flipping their switch to the on position, arousal creams can be a lifesaver, because that tingly feeling sends a message to your body to increase the blood flow to the pelvic area. Because this is what actually happens during arousal, it kind of tricks your body into thinking it's aroused, but then suddenly you really are!

Arousal creams come in different strengths (mild, medium and holy sh*t), depending on your level of need. Our mildest arousal cream is the Cleopatra's Secret Cream, a nice, tasty cream with a mild tingle factor. It's great for beginners or women who already have a good libido but simply want to 'spice it up' a little. This comes in Cool Mint and Cherry Vanilla so it's like a little extra tasty treat for him, too!

Also, menthol is air activated, so if you have a really great ceiling fan in your room you can get started without him--just dab a little on, lean back and turn that fan on high; by the time he comes home you'll be screaming you own name (maybe even mine! :) Just make sure you don't put it on too far ahead of time or he may come home to find this:

If you have a little lower libido and need something stronger, Tasty Twist is next-up on the list of arousal creams and comes in Mint Chocolate Chip and Butter Cream Icing. Tasty Twist is great for the days you come home from work and find him laying in bed thinking he's going to get a little. Dab a little on, and by the time your done brushing your teeth, he will have fallen asleep and you'll be looking at the doorknob in a whole new light (or giving that banister another whirl.)*

These are both great arousal creams, but the queen bee of them all, the absolute joie de vivre is Mona Lisa cream. If you have a very low libido, Mona Lisa is like Prozac for your vagina because no matter how depressed it is, Mona will put a smiley-face in your happy place! Although Mona Lisa is unflavored, not only does it have menthol for that nice, cooling, tingling effect, it also has L-Argenine and Niacin which are vasodilators. These ingredients are going to really engorge the area with blood and make every sensation super-intensified. Got a long commute to work? A little Mona Lisa applied before you leave and you'll find yourself taking all the bumpy roads! Or, simply turn the music up to the highest volume and turn that base way up on high--there's no more road-rage! People will be cutting you off and you'll be smiling and waving, "Have a nice day!!"*

No matter what you're level of need, there's a little something for everyone and little dab can make all the difference in your romance. Here's to happy endings!




*Author not responsible for broken banisters, doorknob mishaps or car accidents.

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Gidget goes Brown Bag!

Ahh, Gidget and Moondoggie, teen idols of days gone by...

Just as Moondoggie made the girls' hearts all a-flutter and their panties all a-flame, I suspect there were a number of men who watched because Gidget made them all tingly in their giblets. Perhaps that's why we've named our super-stretchy male masturbation sleeve Gidget!


Gidget is a fabulous do-it-yourself-er that, unlike those fickle females, is always ready to do your bidding. Let us examine the various features of Gidget:

As you can see, Gidget is perfect for those "I've got a headache" nights and takes the guesswork out of the "will I get any action tonight" conundrum for those single guys. But that's not all Gidget is good for...

Gidget can be your best friend because, unlike the women in the porno movies, ladies actually do have a gag reflex. There's just so far we can go until (uh-oh) we're done. Some men may not mind the sight of gagging, but women find this very embarrassing uncomfortable. Gidget can be used in conjunction with those special favors to prevent gagging mishaps because she acts as a bumper! Combined with her sensual grip, your lady can let Gidget take the bulk of the bulge while freeing her up to concentrate on just the very tippy-tip, and you'll never notice where Gidget ends and she begins! This means you'll get all the sensation of (dip-dip-dip-de-dip) without (ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong) down her (boogety-boogety-boogety-shoo).

But here comes the best part! When it becomes time for the grand finale, the coup de theatre that simultaneously puts joy in his heart and (sometimes) chills running down her spine, Gidget can handle that too! If your lady simply can't stomach what comes out the top (pun intended) she just pulls it up, pinches off, and it's a quicker-picker-upper!!

The best lubricant to use with any of our C-rings or sleeves is Flavored Body Kiss, a creamy, water-based lube that helps prevent pulling that sensitive skin and comes in Strawberry and Orange flavors so the whole ordeal is now her dessert rather than a chore!

Wow-sa!!


and you can too! Click here for more info!

'Snug'gle up like you used to!

We all know what happens after we have a couple of kids. Things are...well, not quite the same as they used to be. He may never tell you so, but he probably misses that nice, 'snug' fit you used to have.

Be Snug is the solution! Be Snug is formulated with alum--nature's 'shrink' cream. This creamy, magical concoction will have you feeling like the woman you used to be (maybe even make the 4 inches he's been giving you feel like the 8 inches he's been promising you!) and just a small amount of Be Snug will last for up to 24 hours!

To use, apply a little bit to the side of your finger and apply all the way up inside the vagina. The reason for this is because there are three bands of muscle in the vagina. The top band of muscle, closest to your cervix, widens and lengthens during sex--a process called tenting. This is also where those really embarrassing noises come from (you know, the ones that we're looking around for the dog to blame it on!)

One important thing to remember when using Be Snug, however, is that it works by drawing some of the moisture out of the tissue, so you always want to have a good lubricant on hand while using this product. Beyond Passion is one I recommend. Beyond Passion is a water based lubricant that has a slight warming sensation when it comes into contact with moisture or nice, hot breath! We're not talking fire-in-the-hole kind of heat, just a nice, pleasant warming so it doesn't feel like it's been stored in the deep-freeze like some of the store-bought lubricants!

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Q and A re G

Just exactly what is this G-spot I keep hearing about, and how can I find mine?
The G-Spot can be quite an elusive area for women, and the cause of much frustration. Named after the German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg who published a paper on it in 1950, most of what we know about the G-Spot has been discovered in the past 20 years!

Located 1-3 inches inside the vagina, on the front (belly-side) wall, most woman know when it's being stimulated by the sudden urge to urinate. The reason for this is the close proximity to the urethra and the G-spot actually contains erectile tissue that causes this area to grow up to 50% during arousal in order to protect the very delicate urethra from damage during rough sex.

Because of the initial slight feeling of discomfort, many women shy away from this area, and miss out on one of the most erogenous zones on the female body. Women who ride that feeling out find that it very quickly becomes a much more pleasant sensation and the cause of explosive orgasms!

Reaching the G-spot during sexual intercourse is a little difficult unless your man's penis is shaped like a banana (and if he is, he's keeper, because hooks are IN this season!!) Mostly, learning how to have G-spot orgasms during penetrative sex requires some clever positioning.


Ok, we don't have to go quite that far :) It is important to realize, though, that when a woman is on her back, the higher her legs are, the more likely it is that the man is going to hit the G-spot.

My partner and I have tried everything and I still can't have a G-spot orgasm. What's wrong with me?
If you're having a difficult time finding the G-spot, especially during sex, you're not alone! It's important to note that clitoral stimulation before and during G-spot stimulation greatly increases your chances of having a G-spot orgasm, and it's usually easier to learn using methods other than penetrative sex.

Men can stimulate this area during digital penetration by using the "come here" finger motion, but the G-spot requires a firmer touch than other, more delicate areas of the female body. Couple this motion with oral sex and you've got a recipe for G-gasms!

Also, there are a variety of toys specifically designed to stimulate the G-spot and many women are more comfortable exploring their body by themselves when their partner isn't around. The great news is that using a toy to learn how to have explosive G-spot orgasms is the best homework ever! The even better news is that once a woman knows the exact touch, pressure and positioning that work best for her own body, she can then incorporate these into sex with her partner!

I suggest a toy with not only a G-spot, but also clitoral stimulator. I cannot stress enough that the combined sensation of both erogenous zones at the same time can be instrumental to having an orgasm, however, begin with clitoral stimulation only. Once you're properly aroused, work on finding that G-spot (remember, the slight urge to pee when you find it tells you that you're in the right place!) without any clitoral stimulation. Only after you've explored this area for some time do you want to add the clitoral stimulation again, because once you hit that point, it's 30 seconds to OHH's-ville and if you don't take the time to explore before the orgasm, you won't have learned any different techniques.

Now that you've learned a little more about the G-spot, grab your boy, or grab your toy, and go have fun!!

Ben Wa....?

Today we're going to explore the fabulous benefits of Ben Wa Balls.

Ben Wa Balls have been around for centuries and were originally used for sexual stimulation. When inserted into the vagina these small, heavy metal balls produce subtle stimulation, meant only to tease rather than bring the user to immediate climax.

Recently they've been used to exercise and tighten the pubococcygeus muscle (try saing that 3 times in a row!) more simply known as the PC muscle. The use of Ben Wa balls is much like doing Kegel exercises, but more powerful with faster and more effective results.

To use Ben Wa balls, always begin with one. When inserted, you'll have to contract your PC muscle very tightly in order to hold it in. This takes practice and becomes easier as the muscle strengthens. Work with one Ben Wa ball until you can easily hold it in while going about your daily household routine. Notice that I said household. Public use of these may not be in your best interest because any sudden expenditure of energy may cause some undesirable results.

Once you're very comfortable with one, you can begin to use both Ben Wa balls, at which time you will need to work your PC muscles even harder.

Probably the biggest question I'm asked about Ben Wa ball is if they can get 'lost' up inside of you. The absolutely cannot. The opening to your cervix is no bigger than the tip of a pencil lead, so unless you're currently in labor and your cervix is dilated (in which case I'd have to say you need your head examined if you're putting anything in your va-jay-jay at that moment), no one has ever had to go the the emergency room to have their balls pulled out of their vagina!

How do I know this? I consulted a local physician!

Ok, so I made that part up. I just like this picture of Dr. Scrum-dilly-umptious a lot!

You may be wondering about the benefits of very toned PC muscles. Well, for starters, you won't pee a little when you sneeze. Besides that, however, PC muscles can play an integral role in sexual pleasure both for you and your partner during intercourse.

He likes it because you can grip a little tighter, and you'll enjoy the increased control you have over your orgasms, allowing you to have longer, stronger and, many women claim, multiple orgasms.

Yee-haw!