Beavers Gone Wild

Ladies, you know what I'm talking about (wink, wink). That "unwanted" hair we wish would just go away because the guys have voted and tumbleweeds are most definitely out; trim is in. However many hours they spent enjoying National Geographic as a young boy have been superseded by the countless hours of porn-time they've logged on the computer and they now want their woman to be decidedly unnatural.

Landscaping that particular area can be troublesome, because with all those flippers and flappers it's not exactly flat terrain down there and trying to reach every area without slicing anything off is a little like mowing a mine field. Also it's a rather sensitive area. It starts out all, "Ooooh, that's nice!" but an hour later we start to develop the red bumps and rash and we begin to look a little like a plucked chicken. This is hardly the desired effect unless he's into poultry but although most women are not opposed to a little 'dirty talk,' I find we absolutely draw the line at clucking like a chicken. Freaks.

All that being said, you can have the slick, streamlined look without the pain and suffering with Coochy Cream*, our rash-free shave cream for trimming up those lady-bits. Coochy is loaded with moisturizing agents to soften the skin, allows you to shave closer and stay smooth a little bit longer. Also, it prevents that horrible day-after itch so you won't be walking around with your finger in your pocket trying to sneak a little bit of a scratch which is frowned upon in church (Sorry, Father O'Brien) but incidentally how I met my husband.

Coochy Shave Cream* can be used on underarms, legs, or under the chin if you're over 40. Even guys can use it to shave if they're not opposed to a little coochy on their face** and it's also good for man-scaping (take the hint guys... if we have to shave, so do you!)

If you're very sensitive, we have Coochy After-Shave Protection Mist. Spray this magic formula on after shaving and it helps close the pores and forms a protective barrier between your skin and your clothing. A little warning: This can sting for about 15 seconds but it's a perfectly acceptable trade-off because I'd gladly burn like a bitch for 15 seconds than hurt like a fother mucker for 2 days. What good is a shiny new toy if it's broken??

We also have Sensations, which is every bit as good as Coochy Shave Cream but is more PG-13 if you have young children who are old enough to read but young enough that you don't want to explain to them what a Coochy is. It's never good when Child Protective Services show up at your door wanting to know why your 8 year-old told his teacher he saw his mom's coochy in the shower.***

So, whether you're high-pile, low-pile, carpet or linoleum, if you're one of those ladies that like things neat and clean, go buy some Coochy. Your Beaver will thank you!****


Info, clarifications and disclaimers:

*Coochy comes in 8oz as well as 16oz, Original, Pear Berry or Green Tea Scent. All my products my be viewed online at www.BrownBagByCindi.com.

**If this describes your man, please click here.

***That never actually happened, Mom.

****This statement in no way guarantees your beaver will actually talk. If it does, please visit www.myvaginaisschitzophrenic.com for help.

Search Amazon.com for shaving the bikini area

Ice-Ice, Baby!

Have you ever played with an ice-cube in bed? Most of us have because the extreme fluctuation in temperatures from the heat of your lover to the sudden cold can be a very erotic experience. The problem with ice cubes, however, is that they melt, and that can lead to some pretty uncomfortable sleeping situations when the fun is over.

Today we're going to explore the world of glass toys. Glass toys are the perfect alternative to ice cubes because they retain whatever temperature you expose them to. Place them in ice water for 5 minutes and you're going to have all the fun of ice cube play without the wet bed sheets. Note that I said ice water... I do NOT recommend placing these in the freezer, unless you'd like to reenact the flag-pole scene from A Christmas Story ("Thtuck.... Thtuck..... THTUCK!!") Similarly, because toys can sometimes feel very cold and impersonal, running these under warm water for several minutes can make a much more comfortable temperature.

Many women shy away from glass toys because they're nervous about breakage, but all of our glass dildos are made from Pyrex--a heat-tempered glass which is extremely durable. During 'normal usage' there is virtually zero chance of breakage unless your hoo-ha is the Chuck Norris of Vajay-jays or you like to pound your dildos in with a hammer, in which case I'd say dildo breakage is probably the least of your potential problems.

Some women despise the soft, rubbery feel of softer toys and find them uncomfortable. These women would benefit from the smooth, slick surface of a glass toy. They're non-porous which makes them a 'cleaner' toy since they won't easily harbor bacteria and they can even be placed in the dishwasher for easy sanitizing (although if you run them during your supper cycle, please accept my apologies for missing your next dinner party.....)

Glass dildos come in different shapes and sizes. Some have speed-bumps or raised designs for awesome g-spot stimulation during use (Elite, Lovers Wand), and they also add stimulation to the first 1/3 of the vagina where nerve ending are the most concentrated. Some are wavy for a unique 'feel' (Helix) and others yet are specifically designed for back-door play. We even have a glass toy with a bullets so you get the benefits of glass, with the wow factor of vibration! (Odyssey)

One thing's for sure though... Glass dildos are very heavy, so you can never go wrong with having one in your nightstand in case of unwanted intruders; I can see the headlines now... "Woman thwarts robber with glass dildo..."